Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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sound of zipper

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Want to go out? No

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!