Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!