Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

Does it smell in here or it just you?

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

Give me some sugar... honey.

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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