- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!