I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Want to go out? No

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Sex?

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Stop Footing Around

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!