Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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rohypnol. rape drug

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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nice kid... want another?

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!