Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +15

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -12

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +84

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +293

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Yeah... you'll have to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!