It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

thumb_up thumb_down -65

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -115

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

thumb_up thumb_down +286

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down -111

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

thumb_up thumb_down +138

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -113

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +176

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +43

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +72

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -75

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!