the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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nice kid... want another?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!