Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +40

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +111

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +215

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +223

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!