the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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So when' the baby due?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!