She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +269

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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-I love you.

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!