Male: Get in the van.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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sex me.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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EVERYONE ELSE

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Welcome to DIE!

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So when' the baby due?

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!