Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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- You look really nice - I know

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Welcome to DIE!

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!