Hello children! :D

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Male: Get in the van.

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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sex me.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Im gonna rape you..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!