Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Are your prices by the hour

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!