Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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all in all it was a good orgy

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Are your prices by the hour

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!