Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Im gonna rape you..

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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why are you you touching me ????

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Get in the van.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!