Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +242

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -127

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +186

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -114

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +212

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +136

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +165

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!