-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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You look... clean

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!