Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!