Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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who wants to play EPAR

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!