Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Are your prices by the hour

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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greetings clarisse...

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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-Do you like me? -No

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!