Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

who wants to play EPAR

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

Soon

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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