You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Penis. I got it

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!