Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +141

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +165

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +127

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

thumb_up thumb_down +117

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

thumb_up thumb_down -106

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +207

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -21

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -117

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

thumb_up thumb_down -117

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!