Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!