- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

on Halloween Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book