Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -142

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +149

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

thumb_up thumb_down +97

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +63

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +96

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!