Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +32

So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +207

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -134

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

thumb_up thumb_down -145

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -194

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -229

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down +8

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!