Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!