- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

"Next!"

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book