Five dollar women... WOO!

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Do you live around here often?

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Hello children! :D

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!