-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

thumb_up thumb_down +135

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +87

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -167

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

thumb_up thumb_down +90

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

thumb_up thumb_down +144

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -114

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -170

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!