-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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You allergic to semen?

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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adam burdass

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!