He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!