man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +175

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

thumb_up thumb_down +143

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +183

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -48

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +134

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Hey, you want a ride?

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -46

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!