Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!