Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!