M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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adam burdass

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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