Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +170

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!