Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!