-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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You smell just like my mom...

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!