The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You allergic to semen?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +11

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

thumb_up thumb_down -2

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -87

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +32

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -10

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!