Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -101

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +40

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +115

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down -3

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +149

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!