- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +137

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

thumb_up thumb_down +312

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

thumb_up thumb_down -117

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +195

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +72

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +219

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +182

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

thumb_up thumb_down +229

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +96

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

thumb_up thumb_down +165

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +168

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +148

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +228

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +213

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

you actually look alright with the lights on.

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!