-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

You smell just like my mom...

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

adam burdass

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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