(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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I hate you already.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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-hey, come here a minute.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!