Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -39

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -38

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +123

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +83

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -41

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

thumb_up thumb_down -42

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!