Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!