Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!