- Anti-Pickup Line

hey baby i just came in my pants

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

-hey, come here a minute.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: sips drink and dies Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

you look like my mother

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!